saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
