so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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