she looked like the bat from fern gully.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
