Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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