Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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