dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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