yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
