anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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