I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
