That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.