Texts From Last Night

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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I think i peed on brittanys purse

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  (314): I think i peed on brittanys purse http://tfl.nu/cbx1
  Replies (10) Good night (1995) Bad night (1492)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Public safety found my id!

  (248): View more from Michigan

  And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.

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  (248): Public safety found my id! (248): And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had. http://tfl.nu/apb6
  Replies (15) Good night (5446) Bad night (700)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls

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  (205): So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls http://tfl.nu/yvx9
  Replies (7) Good night (3308) Bad night (1255)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.

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  (314): we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them. http://tfl.nu/5z6d
  Replies (37) Good night (6810) Bad night (720)
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks

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  (478): She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks http://tfl.nu/vee8
  Replies (22) Good night (4777) Bad night (1722)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child

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  (817): just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child http://tfl.nu/48ux
  Replies (31) Good night (8195) Bad night (1653)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  They're like penises that have been put in a blender.

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  (315): They're like penises that have been put in a blender. http://tfl.nu/9hz0
  Replies (25) Good night (793) Bad night (5321)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.

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  (702): I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave. http://tfl.nu/8hoe
  Replies (17) Good night (3780) Bad night (1585)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work

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  (816): Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work http://tfl.nu/ppy0
  Replies (16) Good night (1817) Bad night (3841)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that

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  (225): I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that http://tfl.nu/lb4l
  Replies (13) Good night (2674) Bad night (1063)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out

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  (+61): You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out http://tfl.nu/lg4i
  Replies (7) Good night (2260) Bad night (859)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus

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  (585): I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus http://tfl.nu/97ca
  Replies (2) Good night (1759) Bad night (755)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness

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  (503): He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness http://tfl.nu/9fad
  Replies (2) Good night (770) Bad night (512)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.

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  (319): I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks. http://tfl.nu/32c2
  Replies (5) Good night (1119) Bad night (429)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.

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  (407): His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out. http://tfl.nu/k2zd
  Replies (0) Good night (817) Bad night (261)

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