Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
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