just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
