Texts From Last Night

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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.

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  (410): I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral. http://tfl.nu/e026
  Replies (8) Good night (1763) Bad night (454)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!

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  (503): she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!! http://tfl.nu/wu20
  Replies (35) Good night (5016) Bad night (590)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.

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  (647): Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch. http://tfl.nu/v8v7
  Replies (7) Good night (4587) Bad night (1080)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.

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  (513): Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet. http://tfl.nu/slw0
  Replies (9) Good night (3379) Bad night (1413)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?

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  (860): What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang? http://tfl.nu/anu5
  Replies (37) Good night (5024) Bad night (805)
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  (340): View more from US Virgin Islands

  I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.

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  (340): I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen. http://tfl.nu/cees
  Replies (25) Good night (3870) Bad night (1201)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.

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  (270): you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you. http://tfl.nu/d78n
  Replies (8) Good night (2446) Bad night (737)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.

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  (773): Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth. http://tfl.nu/gnm7
  Replies (3) Good night (1784) Bad night (688)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?

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  (989): Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door? http://tfl.nu/0vtl
  Replies (5) Good night (1413) Bad night (567)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.

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  (401): The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm. http://tfl.nu/9ejj
  Replies (15) Good night (2417) Bad night (525)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.

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  (316): Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip. http://tfl.nu/kzaf
  Replies (2) Good night (1842) Bad night (451)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.

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  (813): I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex. http://tfl.nu/7adn
  Replies (2) Good night (1722) Bad night (711)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.

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  (815): It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry. http://tfl.nu/yfvq
  Replies (13) Good night (282) Bad night (854)
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  (516): View more from New York

  My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?

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  (516): My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently? http://tfl.nu/xsqm
  Replies (5) Good night (430) Bad night (816)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.

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  (262): I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry. http://tfl.nu/6bad
  Replies (2) Good night (305) Bad night (470)

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