Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.