every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.