Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You can't just leave with hair like that
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
