i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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