Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
