Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
