did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Randomize
