This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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