Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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