I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
