Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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