My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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