no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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