Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
