4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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