We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
