Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
