I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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