Having a random hookup so left but love u
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just invented taco cereal.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The feeling are messing with the penis
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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