I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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