I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
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Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
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You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.