A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
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