What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
