Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
