yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now