her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm too high and old for this...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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