i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
