The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
