New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
