just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
