I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
