I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
