I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
