last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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