Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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