Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
