I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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