just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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