Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
