thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What drink are we having for lunch?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize