i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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