My friends, they love my intelligence
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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