I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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