so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
