I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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