I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
