i just google imaged poop.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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