I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
NoShamevember. You game?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
