I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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