In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
