sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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