Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
