I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
