I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
