Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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