My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
