im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
