I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
