I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
