Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize