I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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